I have been avoiding this all day. But I promised to tell the truth and so I shall. Halloween was a disaster to my new clean eating diet. My husband, who is currently not on a diet or working out, asked me if I would like to go out to lunch with him Halloween day. He picked my favorite restaurant in town, a little Mexican place that has the best fajitas in the world!!! I was very confident when we walked through the door that I would make good choices. As I sat, the waiter took our drink order, and I was proud that I ordered a water. I flipped open the menu looking for something that would fit in...for the most part, with my clean eating diet. As I flipped the pages, my mouth began to water and my eyes kept jumping from picture to picture of the yummiest Mexican food on the planet. I lost the war, I ordered fajitas and ate every morsel, then my husband, being the gentleman he is, ordered dessert. There wasn't even a war, there was no second thought on if I should eat it or not. I just did. Sopapillas are the yummiest dessert ever and I'm pretty sure they are made by Satan himself.
I left there feeling really down on myself, but promised to get right back on track. Then I looked at the time, it was 5 minutes before my youngest was out of pre-school and 30 minutes before my oldest was out of school! We made a mad dash to get our youngest and an equally mad dash to get our oldest. We got home and suited up for some epic trick or treating(channelling Barney Stinson from HIMYM) We made it to two TOTing destinations and my kids decided they were hungry. We weren't even close to home and I didn't pack a single healthy option to take with. The kids decided they wanted Runza, which happens to be my favorite fast food place. It happened. The logic of...'I already blew this day, may as well just do what I want and start over tomorrow.' I ate, and ate, and ate. When we got home after a few more TOTing spots, I laid in bed feeling miserable and sad. I couldn't believe I had sabotaged myself like that. I begged my husband for more support and insured him that I didn't blame him for my bad decisions. Because I don't. I just made horrible decisions.
Some of you might argue that it was only one day and that it happens sometimes. But for me one day turns in to two days, and two days turn in to three days, and so on. Well here I am, feeling crummy, up 4 pounds, and I have been suffering with a stomach ache since last night. I feel like I have let so many people down. But mostly I feel like I have been self sabotaging a lot recently. I don't know what it is? The change of the weather? The lack of sleep? Or have I just lost my desire to continue on the way I have been? I haven't worked out in 3 days either. I keep finding reasons for not being able to fit them in. I did however clean up my diet tremendously today. So I hope to stay on this path. Maybe I will even talk myself into a bike ride tonight?
I want to be honest here, because I find it hard to be honest with myself about these things. If I can be honest here and it's out there. Then maybe, just maybe I will feel compelled, even obligated to give it my best. That way if I don't maybe one of you will kick my ass back in shape. Tell me to get up and get my butt going. I just don't want to give up after coming so far, and making so many people proud of me. Making myself proud. To gain back the weight I lost would be a real let down, for more than just myself. I would hate to see the look of disappointment and disapproval in my mothers eyes. I would hate to have my family look at me with pity and frustration. I can't do that to them, and I certainly cannot go back to being as unhealthy as I was.
So from here on, I will post my workouts here. I will post my foods. I will probably occasionally ask for motivation, and even help. I need just as much help, as I want and hope I am giving. So please, to any of you who are reading this, please help keep me accountable. I would really appreciate your help.